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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Marley's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 15th, 2015
10:31 pm
found my live journal
Who would have thought a million years later id be sitting in a mexican joint with dan hahahahaha
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
8:16 pm
laughing on the inside
screaming on the surface
running in between the two
biting my nails
ripping my hair out
there is nothing left to lose
but my craziness
that i can bear to be without
it is why i have nothing left
thats what its all about
where can i put it?
could i leave it in a box?
could i flush it all away
and live to see a better day?
or would i not know how to live after it was gone?
Wednesday, January 30th, 2002
1:13 am
why is it that every time i think i finally found happiness, it gets ripped away from me?
its like someone is laughing at me from above...toying with my well being and my happiness...
"oh look...marla's happy...lets fuck it up and take it away from her"
everyone i love goes away...everything that makes me happy...turns from a reality to a distant memory. A fleeting glimpse of happiness...of something real...just to turn into chaos, and darkness.
my life is dark, with a flew glimmers of a light, a flickering flame of love and warmth, just to be snapped out of exsitence
i may deserve it, since i have treated people badly, i have made some wrong discions...but i feel that everyone should have a chance at love...and a chance of happiness
i never even get a fair or decent shot at it.
the gods must be laughing at me
i just don't want him to leave me now.
i fear he won't come back.
i fear they will keep him from me for too long
time is not my friend
it is an element that destroys
it burns down to my soul, and erases what once was so permant
i hate them for what they are doing to him, and what they are doing to me, and us.
damn it.
Tuesday, December 4th, 2001
4:15 pm
my life
kicked out
thrown out
no where to go but down
down the spiral
back into his arms
one step forward
three steps back
over and over
the circle goes
never completed
just neverending
cycles and merry-go-rounds
don't know how to stop
go along for the ride
wait to get off
wait for it to end
start a new beginning
somewhere new
not the same old you
never let go
never go back
never rethink the past
foward always
backward never
that will be the day
i pray for
we will see if you can get there
if you can be with me
for real, no more pretending
no more games, no more denials
truths uncovered, hidden by a mask
a mask of strength and happiness
to uncover your weaknesses and despair
i can make it better
maybe you can fix me in the process
for this mask is burning my face
i can not bear to wear it any longer
the burden is too deep
i just want to be free
just be with me
4:15 pm
my life
kicked out
thrown out
no where to go but down
down the spiral
back into his arms
one step forward
three steps back
over and over
the circle goes
never completed
just neverending
cycles and merry-go-rounds
don't know how to stop
go along for the ride
wait to get off
wait for it to end
start a new beginning
somewhere new
not the same old you
never let go
never go back
never rethink the past
foward always
backward never
that will be the day
i pray for
we will see if you can get there
if you can be with me
for real, no more pretending
no more games, no more denials
truths uncovered, hidden by a mask
a mask of strength and happiness
to uncover your weaknesses and despair
i can make it better
maybe you can fix me in the process
for this mask is burning my face
i can not bear to wear it any longer
the burden is too deep
i just want to be free
just be with me
Wednesday, June 20th, 2001
11:43 pm
just smoked sooo much...went to my cousins...havent seen them in a while...crazy...watched almost famous..good flick...i cant wait to move out of this house...smoking is the only thing that calms me down...relaxes me...gets rid of my headaches..my insomnia...my anxiety...my manic moods i have been in...it keeps my head spinning and smoking stops the spinning..it just relaxes me...makes me calm...i only need it every once in a while...because if i smoke too much like i used to...it has the opposite effect...it makes me panicky and paranoid...but everything in moderation...moderation is key...it is my self medication...once a week or so...thats all..thats all i need...allman bros. on friday!!!...yay...first time i ever paid for a ticket for them... the last 10 show i hopped the fence...they are only coming once this year :( they usually come 2 or 3 times in one summer...going to tom petty on the 8th...then phil and friends with Ratdog in july too...yay...then buffett...aeromith too i think...i forget what else...but thats it for now...i just want to go out and lay on the grass...i am so mellow...mellow mood has got me so let the music rock me....just sway back and forth....movin with the music..feel it in my veins...let my soul fly free...to another land...to lay me down fast asleep...to dream of flowers and beads....dance dance dance...nothing left to do but smile smile smile...love this stuff... : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )

Current Mood: relaxed
12:34 am
i love these moods....i cant sit still...i just want to dance all night long....i think things will look up...they should...everything should bounce..bounce bounce bounce...back up to the sky...enjoy the high before the crash...the fucking crash...but its good to crash...then you get to enjoy the rise...the rise to the top of the mountain...and the fall is a rush...it hurts my head at the bottom...but it is fixed while i am floating in the air over the world...climb the highest mountains...see the world...the way it should be...not the way it is...and i know it is not the way...but i pretend to be ignorant...ignorance is bliss..right?...i dont know...i dont even care...right now i just want to fly...fly away like a fucking bird...the world is so small from up here...no cares...no worries...just the wind in my hair...nothing but sky...who cares about cars up here?...dont care about money up here...no jobs...no people...no violence...just peace...peace peace peace...thats all...no bullshit....just endless sky...and that spirit in the sky...and me

Current Mood: hyper
Monday, June 18th, 2001
2:42 pm
i feel like i can no longer trust anyone,....why is everyone so shallow...so selfish...so unloving...alone in this world...alone in this feeling...this pain in my stomach that never goes away....i love people so much...i feel for them...and it hurts....but everyone just seems to step all over me....why is it that everyone needs to hurt others?....i just get trampled on...even my own mother hates me....i really think she does...i think she always has...she always thought that by buying me things or whatever...that it made me think she loved me...you cant buy love...i dont remember those words ever coming out of her mouth...and i have never said them either...she is nothing but coldness to me...i am nothing but a disapointment to her....nothing but a regret...nothing but a thorn in her side...i have no more feelings...i am numb...i feel nothing anymore...not love...not hate...not a thing....i dont care anymore...and i never will...ever since i was 8 years old i have seen how people really are and it made me sad...and i can never get that image out of my mind...i could never trust in anything or anyone ever again...and i doubt i ever will...i cant handle this anymore....why am i not happy?...why do i hate people so much?...i wish i could hate....i wish i could love....i wish i could be loved...but i am not real...i am drained...

Current Mood: apathetic
Sunday, June 17th, 2001
11:52 pm
Lyin' Eyes~~~The Eagles
City girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich old man
And she won't have to worry
She'll dress up all in lace and go in style

Late at night a big old house gets lonely
I guess ev'ry form of refuge has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her love is
Only given to a man with hands as cold as ice

So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who's feelin' down
But he knows where she's goin' as she's leavin'
She is headed for the cheatin' side of town

You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin eyes

On the other side of town a boy is waiting
with fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal
She drives on through the nice anticipating
'Cause he makes her feel the way she used to feel

She rushes to his arms,
They fall together
She whispers that it's only for awhile
She swears that soon she'll be comin' back forever
She pulls away and leaves him with a smile

You can't hid your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't now way to hide you lyin' eyes

She gets up and pours herself a strong one
And stares out at the stars up in the sky
Another night, it's gonna be a long one

She draws the shade and hangs her head to cry
She wonders how it ever got this crazy
She thinks about a boy she knew in school
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy?
She's so far gone she feels just like a fool
My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things
You're still the same old girl you used to be

You can't hide your lyin eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes
Honey, you can't hide your lyin' eyes
6:36 pm
the sky was yellow and the sun was blue
2:02 am
all i want is a car....i just need to get around...i can not sit here and do nothing....she is driving me nuts...i would really like a VW cabrio...red...convertable...but seriously i dont care....anything will do....i should just get a fucking horse...they dont get totalled...and they are so much prettier...and they are lovable and it would be great...i would want him to talk...and he could give me advice on life...and he would tell me what to do...and i would love him...his name would be Mr. Ed....i am once again rambling...but since no one reads this thing...it doesnt really matter if i have gone MAD...simply MAD...
Saturday, June 16th, 2001
9:20 am
i wonder what i will do today?....i need to do something productive or something.....livin in this world is so strange, each day like the last, and each day ends the same, each place looks like the one we just left, and each face is not that different from the rest....just a gloomy mood today i guess.... the fog outside matches my cloudy judgement that i have had lately....each day i wake up and say to myself...what am i going to do today?...and i always WANT to do something but it never happens...well sometimes it does but not the way i would like it....i dont know...maybe i am stupidly opptimistic sometimes...i mean i actually think that there will be something fun to do all the time...i always get let down, i always have too high expectations of things....i always try to look for the good...so much that i usually just end up finding the bad....i dont know...i just want to fix my life and fix the whole damn fucked up world too...i was watching the news last night (which i try not to do too much...it is too depressing)...this world is fucked...people are so fucked up...killing, raping, stealing, everyone has been desensitized to all of these things...it is like no big deal anymore..."oh just another murder...just another little girl killed...anyway...whats for dinner?"....it is crazy...people dont even care....people dont love anything anymore...there is no true loves anymore...just phases of obsessions and trends...one minute people are so obsessed about something that they will do anything to get their hands on it, pay any amount....and then once it is "out of fasion" it is thrown in the fucking trash...just phases...trends...it is sickening... image image image...thats all that people care about...self image...how they compare to everyone else...WHO CARES!!!...i mean what does it all mean?...where will that fancy car really get you?...what will that expensive suit really do for you in the long run....nothing...nothing at all....people are no longer real...they are just silly little puppets that the media and government control...and they think they have freedom...freedom is the ability to think and do as you please ...this is control...people are fucking brain washed...i am completely rambling now...i gotta go...

Current Mood: aggravated
1:11 am
rusted root song....


heaven

Aint nothin like a bird in play to tickle my beard today,

work this way to sensuate my lips,

oh dear its my very first kiss,

to call upon the sermon today,

yes to call upon these words to say

ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...Lord take care of myself

do...do...do... take care of myself

when I find my way to heaven,

I will walk it down to earth,

I will tie my shoes to heaven,

well I will walk it down to earth,

walk it down now; do...do...do...Lord take care of myself,

walk it down now; do...do...do...Lord take care of myself,

walk it down now; do...do...do...Lord take care of myself,

Ill take good care of myself, Ill take good care of myself.

All will rise to be... in the air...

oh dear lookit the birds in play,

play, its twice weve tangled our strings today,

today, dunk your toys into the sky

into the sun our kites will fly,

oh dear look it the birds in play, play,

yes to call upon the sermon today

ooh...ooh...ooh...Lord take care of myself

do...do...do...take care of myself

cause when I find my way to heaven,

I will walk it down to earth,

I wil tie my shoes to heaven, well i will walk it

down to earth. walk it down now, do...do... do...do...do...do...do...

Ill take good care of myself
Friday, June 15th, 2001
8:32 pm
i am so bored....i am so dizzy...spinning spinning
why is it that i always have these shitty things happen to me??? oh well....my mother is driving me nuts...i need to move out of here as soon as possible...i cant handle this anymore...i need to do something with myself....i am just wasting away doing nothing with myself...just slowly wasting wasting wasting...i just want to dance...move around...go places see things...fly far away....never touch the ground...never wake up...never look twice through the same window...look though different windows...pick the best view and fly right through it and just float away....find what is there...take it...hear the beat of the somber drum...feel it...dance to it...dance dance dance dance dance....looking out at the stars...melt into them...melt melt melt..feel it through your skin...

Current Mood: sore
8:13 pm
i am so bored....i am so dizzy...spinning spinning
why is it that i always have these shitty things happen to me??? oh well....my mother is driving me nuts...i need to move out of here as soon as possible...i cant handle this anymore...i need to do something with myself....i am just wasting away doing nothing with myself...just slowly wasting wasting wasting...i just want to dance...move around...go places see things...fly far away....never touch the ground...never wake up...never look twice through the same window...look though different windows...pick the best view and fly right through it and just float away....find what is there...take it...hear the beat of the somber drum...feel it...dance to it...dance dance dance dance dance....looking out at the stars...melt into them...melt melt melt..feel it through your skin...

Current Mood: sore
3:09 pm
well...i almost died last night
well we went to the club and everything was ok...me, brian, courntey, deniz and matt....then we went to brians house to drink...and i was outside and i smoked so much that i needed to lay down...so i layed down in my car and fell asleep and then next thing i know i wacked my head against the window and my car was on the side of the road....that asshole matt took my car and he was drunk off his ass and then he drove my car around town while drinking a bottle of champaign...all while i am asleep in the backseat...he hit the curb and i wacked my head then i got out and started flipping out...so he left me there...the cops came and i told them what happened...and they made me call matts house....i felt bad about doing it but i had no choice...so he came back to the car, and he failed the sobriety test and they found my keys in his damn pocket...and they arrested him....so i had to go to the hospital because they thought i had a concusion(spelling?)...then i had an anxiety attack and puked in the fucking bathroom....so i went to gen's and took like 4 liquid advils and passed out, my car is totalled...and i have to go to court to be a witness...or something...i dont have collision..so he going to have to pay for it...i just want my car back...my poor bob(thats my car's name) he is dead :( i cant handle this...i am never going to the club ever again every time i go something happens...last week i ran out of gas in the middle of providence at 230 in the morning...the time before that i got stranded in rhode island...the time before that i was on the side of the highway in an accident(i wasnt driving)....it is a sign i can not go there any more especially with these fucking morons....well i gotta go teach piano lessons now....

Current Mood: distressed
3:09 pm
well...i almost died last night
well we went to the club and everything was ok...me, brian, courntey, deniz and matt....then we went to brians house to drink...and i was outside and i smoked so much that i needed to lay down...so i layed down in my car and fell asleep and then next thing i know i wacked my head against the window and my car was on the side of the road....that asshole matt took my car and he was drunk off his ass and then he drove my car around town while drinking a bottle of champaign...all while i am asleep in the backseat...he hit the curb and i wacked my head then i got out and started flipping out...so he left me there...the cops came and i told them what happened...and they made me call matts house....i felt bad about doing it but i had no choice...so he came back to the car, and he failed the sobriety test and they found my keys in his damn pocket...and they arrested him....so i had to go to the hospital because they thought i had a concusion(spelling?)...then i had an anxiety attack and puked in the fucking bathroom....so i went to gen's and took like 4 liquid advils and passed out, my car is totalled...and i have to go to court to be a witness...or something...i dont have collision..so he going to have to pay for it...i just want my car back...my poor bob(thats my car's name) he is dead :( i cant handle this...i am never going to the club ever again every time i go something happens...last week i ran out of gas in the middle of providence at 230 in the morning...the time before that i got stranded in rhode island...the time before that i was on the side of the highway in an accident(i wasnt driving)....it is a sign i can not go there any more especially with these fucking morons....well i gotta go teach piano lessons now....

Current Mood: distressed
Thursday, June 14th, 2001
5:19 pm
I am back....my computer had to get fixed so i havent been on for a few days...i just got home from work and i need to do something fun now....but it is sooo hot out....i love it though...i think i will go for walk or something...i dont know...maybe a little cruise....well i dont know....i just found out that lynryd skynryd is THIS saturday...i had no idea...i have to arrange things at work...i MUST go...i went last month up in new hampshire...it was a good show...eventhough they arent all still alive...but it is as close as i will ever get!!!
5:17 pm
I am back....my computer had to get fixed so i havent been on for a few days...i just got home from work and i need to do something fun now....but it is sooo hot out....i love it though...i think i will go for walk or something...i dont know...maybe a little cruise....well i dont know....i just found out that lynryd skynryd is THIS saturday...i had no idea...i have to arrange things at work...i MUST go...i went last month up in new hampshire...it was a good show...eventhough they arent all still alive...but it is as close as i will ever get!!!
Monday, June 11th, 2001
10:57 pm
i am sick and tired of this...i want to just go somewhere else...find myself amongst the person that people percieve me to be....i must be strong and get up and leave walk alone in the desert...find the plateau...find the knowledge that i am searching for...find me and the outer edge of this world...see what others refuse to see...hear what others are to deaf to hear...be who i want to be...not what people think i am...be loved for who i am...love myself for being me....searching for the answers in the sand.....i must let you go...and i must let this anger go...i must be free to float in the subconsious...to find the meaning of it all...

Current Mood: determined
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